• My Roaring 20s Speakeasy Wedding

    1920s title style sign saying it is our wedding

    It’s Like Déjà Vu

    Welcome to my roaring 20s speakeasy wedding! It’s been a hundred years since the roaring 20s, but here we are again with a global pandemic and an economic collapse. It’s like déjà vu. (Or, it would be if any of us were alive to actually experience it the first time around…)

    Sometimes it feels like the world is ending, but those folks in the 1920s managed to have a good time in spite of their crappy circumstances and so can we. How do I know? Because we did! Our speakeasy wedding was the cat’s meow and I’m here to tell you all about it!

    Finally. I mean, it’s been over a freaking year already. What took me so long?

    No, really. I’m asking. I have no idea.

    1920s silent movie sign saying it is our wedding
  • Before and After | My Crappy Driveway

    Let Someone Else DIY for a Change

    This is my favorite kind of post. The kind where I get to tell you about a major improvement to My Crappy House that I didn’t have to do myself. Because who even DIYs a freaking driveway anyway? The answer is crazy people and pretentious show-offs. Admittedly, I do usually fall into the latter category (yeah, OK, the former too), and, you’re right, this is a DIY blog, but even I have my limits.

    Besides, my steamroller was in the shop…

    Man steamrolling asphalt driveway that's half installed. Two men in background with other equipment.
  • My Favorite Things 2021

    Where Did The Time Go?

    I like to pretend I’m still a kid, but the brutal truth is that I turned fifty this year. (I know, right? WTF? Fifty! Where did the time go?!)

    (I swear, I must say “where did the time go” fifty times a day. Next to “what did I come in here for”, it’s my most frequently uttered phrase.)

    How is it even possible that 2021 is almost over? I guess the same way it’s possible that I’m suddenly freaking fifty. The time… well, it… went. (Smell ya later, youth!)

    Anyway, as is tradition, it’s time for my Annual Favorite Things Post. Curious what a fifty year old kid fancies? Keep reading for my favorite things of 2021.

  • How to Install a Peephole in Your Front Door

    The doorbell rings. You’re not expecting anyone. Maybe it’s Publisher’s Clearing House with a giant check! (Can you win a sweepstakes you didn’t enter?) Or, perhaps it’s a couple of well dressed, polite young adults wanting to know if you’ve found Jesus. (Amen?) Or, you know, it could be a psychopath who would like to come inside and chop you into little pieces. (No, thank you.) My point is, we live in a world where we need to see who’s at the door before we commit to being home. The peephole is like caller ID for visitors; you get to see who it is before you answer. Want to know how to install a peephole in your front door? I gotchu.

    Jason Voorhees on front porch
  • How to Paint a Panel Door with a Brush

    Painted Front Door Feature

    Do You Want to Know What a Panel Door Is?

    All I’m offering is the truth. Nothing more. This post turned out to be much longer than I’d anticipated. Yes, it’s about how to paint a panel door with a brush, but it’s become so much more than that. More than I could have ever imagined. Maybe it’s more than you want. This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You click the BLUE LINK – you skip right to the information you came here for, and believe… whatever you want to believe. You click the RED LINKyou stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes…

    Welcome to My Rabbit Hole

    Yeah. I heard it.

    After painting it a lovely shade of gray, and updating the trim, My Crappy House is more attractive than it has ever been! Which… is really not saying very much at all. The landscaping and driveway still look like hell, but those are big ticket items and I just paid for a big ticket wedding. Who has any big ticket money left? Not me!

    Gray house with white trim, white front door, bay window, gravel driveway

    Painting a crappy front door is one way to gain a little bit of curb appeal without spending big ticket money. If the eyes in your face are the windows to your soul, then the front door to your home is the portal to… your living room, probably. Maybe a foyer, if you’re fancy. (No, not Narnia. That’s a different door.)

  • Where Have I Been?

    Let’s Get Real

    In August of 2020, I told you guys that I was going to try to make a living off of My Crappy Blog because freaking COVID destroyed my (formerly) successful business and what else was I supposed to do with my time? Power watch Netflix? (Because that happened…) Shop on Amazon for things I don’t need with money I don’t have? (The delivery guy was a guest at our wedding…)

    Anyway, I promised to post something new every week. And I did post something new every week, up until a few months ago when I fell off the wagon, and I think I may have twisted something because I just haven’t felt right since.

    Lying on the lawn
  • The Case of the Smelly Dishwasher

    Open dishwasher

    My Dishwasher Stinks

    In the five years I’ve had my dishwasher, I’ve never cleaned the inside. I mean, it’s self cleaning, right? It gets washed with, like, every single use. So, I never really gave it much thought until it started to smell. Apparently, you’re supposed to clean the inside of your dishwasher once in a while. (I should’ve known. Self cleaning ovens are a big fat lie too.)

    So, wtf was causing my dishwasher to smell? To the naked eye, it looked squeaky clean, but something must be causing that odor… It was a mystery, I tell you. (One that could have easily been solved by consulting the user manual, but what fun would that be?) Keep reading to follow my investigation: The Case of the Smelly Dishwasher. (Spoiler alert: I cracked this case wide open and my dishwasher now smells like a freaking meadow.)

    Dishwasher with Dirty MagnetSimilar Dishwasher Magnet

  • My Crappy Advice: Add Curb Appeal Without Remodeling

    Season 1 | Episode 4

    What Color Should I Paint My House?

    Welcome to another episode of My Crappy Advice, where I solve your crappy design dilemmas for free. (Seriously. Who even does anything for free anymore? I’m a wonder.) This week, I’m helping a reader virtually transform the exterior of her home. Sure, I’ll be changing the color, but I won’t be stopping there. Keep reading for advice on how you can add curb appeal without remodeling your home. This transformation is going to shock you! (OK, maybe not shock you, but this is the internet! Where we exaggerate stuff to keep viewers interested!) It’s actually a really cool, unusual home. Check it out:

    Unusual pink house front without curb appeal

  • Paint it Gold, Whatever It Is

    Feature image close up of skeleton figurine

    The Midas Touch

    Are you sick of hearing about wedding stuff? (Because I am.) This is another one of those projects that, yes, technically was for my wedding day, but can also be for any day. (Like… Tuesday, for example…) You can use this painting technique to elevate the look of figurines or frames or other decorative things. To do this mysterious project yourself, the first thing you’re going to want to do is paint it gold, whatever “it” is.

    Here’s my “thing”…

    1920s full color skeleton figurine

  • An Easy Way to Add Gold Accents to Furniture

    Feature image of little table to be refinished

    A few weeks back, I showed you a bunch of projects I was working on for my upcoming wedding (in three freaking days, people! What am I even doing here??) and one of them was this cute, little table I found at my local ReStore. I kind of really hate refinishing furniture (even though I’m amazing at it), but I guess I didn’t think 73 wedding projects was enough, so… 74 it is. Keep reading to see how it turned out, and for an easy way to add gold accents to furniture (if you’re into that sort of thing)…

    Little table before refinishing