Wow. That title is awful and doesn’t even make any sense. (Sorry, George Lucas.) This post is about my subfloor. Sounds boring right? But I hope you’ll stick with me and read it to the end because I deserve serious props for what I’ve accomplished here all by myself and I need you to tell me how impressed you are. Even if you really don’t mean it. Fake compliments are OK. I won’t know the difference. And now here’s a cute picture of Egor (you can see the floor in the background, so it’s relevant) to keep you interested enough to keep reading…
This project was my most difficult one to date. Not because it was complicated, but because plywood is freaking heavy and I’ve got girl muscles. I wasn’t going to attempt this on my own. I knew I needed help, but I didn’t want to impose on anyone. I don’t like asking for help. I’d prefer you sense that I need a hand and show up at my house with your toolbox. That actually rarely happens.
I wish I had some great before pics to show you. Who knew I’d be writing a blog post about my subfloor? (I know that sounds so uninteresting, but please keep reading. I promise it gets exponentially better. And I would never exaggerate just to keep you here.) These are the best pics I could come up with:
Between the 17 layers of linoleum in the kitchen and the beat up oak hardwood and weird plywood landing strip in the living room, I had a Frankenfloor. Underneath all of that was a crappy 1/2 inch plywood subfloor. My plan was to rip up everything but the subfloor and then go over that with 3/4 inch plywood to create an awesome base for new hardwood floors.
For months, in my garage sat fourteen sheets of 4 ft x 8 ft, tongue and groove plywood weighing about 80 lbs each. (That’s 1120 lbs!) As it became clear that no one was going to receive my telepathic signals for help, I got myself psyched to try to do the job alone. (Shut up, Yoda. You can move shit with your mind.) This is what I accomplished on my first day:
What?? That’s right, people. I kicked that floor’s ASS! Look at me, cutting around walls and doors and crap like Bob Freaking Vila! Plywood is my bitch! It was so much easier than I thought it would be!
Yeah, right. In opposite world. This is how it really went:
- Drag 80 lb plywood sheet out of garage
- Drag 80 lb plywood sheet onto sawhorses
- Make cuts
- Drag (now much lighter) 76 lb plywood sheet off sawhorses
- Drag 76 lb plywood sheet up front walkway
- Pause to cry softly
- Drag 76 lb plywood sheet up front steps
- Drag 76 lb plywood sheet through front door
- Spread some glue
- Drag 76 lb plywood sheet into place
- Beat 76 lb plywood sheet into place with sledge hammer (tongues and grooves are little bitches)
- Screw 76 lb plywood sheet down
- Repeat 13 more times
Hey, did I mention plywood is f’ing heavy?? It took me about a week to finish the whole floor, but I did it. All. By. Myself. The last piece had to wait until I could hire someone to reroute the radiator through the basement. (Yeah, smarty. I said I did the floor myself. I don’t mess with plumbing.) See how it’s in the way from where the wall used to be?
Ahh. That last piece was so satisfying.
You know, there were some people who would give me this patronizing little smirk when I would talk about the work I was doing at my crappy house. They thought I was some silly little girl, in way over my head, playing with grown up man tools. They didn’t take me seriously. Now, they know better. This floor has earned me respect. Now they know I am no joke! I’m not playing around over here. I have an impact driver and I know how to use it. I am woman! (ROWR!)
My new subfloor is so quiet, it’s ninja certified. Impressed? I told you! In lieu of compliments, please share this post. Yeah, OK. You can compliment me too in the comments below. Want to see more awesomeness? Subscribe!