By the Yard

Who does a little bit of yard work on their crappy house and then expects strangers on the internet to care about it? Well, obviously, I do because here I am!

It looked so bad before, I had to take a picture. And then, it looked so much better after, I had to take another picture. And I just can’t be in possession of before and after pictures and not write a post.

Hey, what do you care? This is like a bonus post anyway. How often do you get two posts in the same week from me? Yeah… that would be never. You know you want to see the after pics, so just deal with the lame-o subject and keep reading, mmkay?

I haven’t paid any attention to my yard at all this season. I think that’s evident from these pictures. I bought a hedge trimmer last year, but my dad had been the only one to use it. He trimmed all of my overgrown shrubs last year. This was my first time trimming hedges by myself. And, as you might expect, I am totally awesome at it. In fact, talent like mine should not be wasted. This will be my next project:

Here are the tools I used to bring about this amazing transformation:

Missing from this picture are my rake and my shovel. If you don’t know what a rake or a shovel look like, then you must be rich enough to have someone do this kind of crap for you. And if you’re lucky, it’s this guy:

My Sexy Landscaper


The hedge trimmer is from Home Depot. It’s here if you care. While it does work very well, I can’t guarantee you will have as much success as I had because you may not be as naturally gifted at hedge trimming as I am.

There’s also my weed remover thingy there in that picture. That’s here. That weird looking tool is actually pretty awesome at tearing weeds out. I won’t go into how to use it. It comes with instructions. You can figure it out. (If you can’t, then you have bigger issues than weeds in your yard because, sadly, you’re probably not all that bright. Sorry…)

I can’t even believe I’m actually writing this post about spending a few hours working in my yard. I can’t even believe you’ve actually read it this far! You deserve so much more than these crappy after pictures, but it’s all I have to offer you right now. Please accept them with my gratitude for your loyalty.

It’s going to look way better with a T-Rex in there.

Click here to like me on Facebook for more random nonsense.

Subscribe and I'll love you forever.

Every time you share, an angel gets their wings.


  • Le

    You should put before and after pictures side by side. It’s too much work to scroll up after getting to the bottom and forgetting what the before looks like. but nice job. I think you are now ready for the responsibilities that come with owning a bonsai.

    • My Crappy House

      I don’t know if I’m ready for a bonsai. Herman, the Majestic Palm isn’t looking so good. Indoor plants don’t do very well for me.

  • Rachel Braithwaite

    I, for one, love any before and after shots of just about anything, before and after. Since I’m the ripe old age of 59, I would love to see an ‘after’ shot of the hot guy when he turns 60. Just sayin . . . .

    • My Crappy House

      Me too! I love before & afters. I wish I knew this guy to get you that after photo in 30 years… Man, I hope my house is done by then…

  • Katherine

    I thought your Mom had already agreed to buy you a couch. We have a jungle here which we’ve barely touched in two years, so your post makes me feel like crap. But I’m happy for YOU, though. Really.

    • My Crappy House

      I keep telling mom she’s buying me a couch hoping she will just accept that. My attempt at brainwashing.

      I’m tempted to show you a picture of my backyard, (it would make you feel so much better…) but I have an image to protect

  • Julie Perkins

    Awesome. I know from experience, and I’m probably not telling you something you already don’t know, but; if you put down some nice red mulch around the bushes it makes a HUGE difference in the look.

    I’m in Los Angeles and love getting your new posts. I’m slowly getting up my confidence to do some work on my house. Thank you for the inspiration!!


    • My Crappy House

      Thanks for the suggestion, Julie! When I’m ready to really focus on getting the outside in shape, I’ll definitely be using a ton of mulch, but for now, I’m just trying to tame the wild, green beast so it doesn’t swallow my house. I’m looking forward to fall when things will stop growing for a while

    • My Crappy House

      I thought about including a picture of it in this post, but people like to see “after” shots and I have no after for it yet. I have to get my lazy ass outside and clean up the back yard. But, to answer your question, the fig is not dead. It needs some serious pruning though. New branches popped up from the base. Now all of the dead branches above have to go. Things will never be the same for my fig tree bush

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *