My Bitchin’ Kitchen: Part II

I promise this is the last time I’m ever going to post this picture of my (not really a kitchen, but doing its best impersonation of a) kitchen. Have I ever mentioned I lived FIVE YEARS with this set up? I feel like I must have told you that at some point…


In my last (extremely disappointing because it had zero “after” pictures) post, I shared my kitchen design plan with you. Complete with mood board…


I found those gray cabinets online four years ago from a company called and ordered a sample. At that point, I didn’t think I would actually order my cabinets on the internet (I mean, do people really even do that?), but I liked having a tangible piece of my kitchen to be able to gaze at longingly and daydream and, occasionally, (uncomfortably) snuggle with. It also came in handy when I picked out my floor stain color.


When it came time to actually buy cabinets, I went to a few local places and had them price out what I wanted. Not only couldn’t I find an option that I liked as much as my door sample, but their prices were like 40% more than So… I read every review I could find, watched every one of their construction videos, waited for a sale, took a Valium, and ordered my cabinets. On the internet. Turns out, yes, people do really do that.


Disclaimer: I’m going to say a lot of nice things about now. So many nice things that you’re going to think that they sponsored this post. So here’s where I tell you that I received absolutely no incentive whatsoever from to write anything wonderful about them. Nothing free, no discount (beyond what any regular person gets.) I’m just super happy with my cabinets and feel compelled to tell the world. (Well, you guys, which makes up like .000000000000001% of the world.)

I designed my kitchen myself (because I’m insanely talented) and sent my plan to where one of their designers, Ashlee, looked everything over, made a couple of suggestions (because insane talent doesn’t equal experience), and then sent me these renderings of my kitchen to approve.




In case you’re wondering what happens if you want a pretty, new kitchen like me, but you’re not nearly as talented as I am to design your own… well, not to worry. The designers at are used to dealing with people with no talent just like you! They’ll design the whole thing for you from scratch. (For free, by the way. They’re cool like that.)

Anyway, once I got my renderings, all I had to do was click one button to buy every piece I would need to build my kitchen. Even with my years of extensive Amazon training, I’d never bought so much with a single click.

My cabinets took seven weeks to arrive. Not bad, considering they build everything to order. (This isn’t all of it. There’s more in the garage…)


I didn’t install my kitchen myself. I briefly considered giving it a go, but (even the less expensive) cabinets are expensive! I’d be so pissed if I ruined them. Given that I’d never installed a kitchen before, it seemed a good idea to get help. Then, while watching my cousin fight with my ridiculously crooked house every step of the way, I was super glad that I didn’t even attempt to do it on my own. Some things are just better left to professionals. Like installing kitchens. And neurosurgery. And pedicures.

OK, so here we go… A blank slate. It’s hard to see in this picture, but I marked out where all of the studs in the wall are and also blocked out where the medicine cabinet is so no one would accidentally put a screw into it from behind, thus breaking the mirrored back. (This wall is shared with my bathroom.) I’m so efficient, it’s disgusting.


And so it begins. I’ll be quiet now and let you scroll.






I put two pictures together here. That’s what that line is.


Here’s the island being configured. I helped with this part. Tape. And math.


This is what an “unclad” island looks like. (I put that in quotes because I didn’t think it was a real word, but spellcheck is down with it so I looked it up. It means naked. So, behold, my naked island…)



OK, so don’t be angry with me. I’m ending this post with this picture because my house is becoming less and less crappy and I’m going to run out of things to share with you. So, let me ration this stuff out, OK? Just be cool. We’ll get there.


My next kitchen post will be about the counter top. Remind me to tell you the story about how the guy who came to measure for it almost burned my house down. It’s hilarious!

P.S. My kitchen wouldn’t have happened this year without the help of my family. I just want to say here how grateful I am for their generosity and support. I plan to hold my very first dinner party (ever!) in their honor and I’m going to make sure I do a really good job with the cooking so they don’t regret being generous and supportive and arming me with a kitchen.

Wait, did I say arming? That was weird…

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    • My Crappy House

      I looked into IKEA, but, best I can tell, theirs are made from laminated particle board. has all wood construction, which was important to me. I’m super happy with the quality. I would definitely recommend pricing out your layout from them as well as IKEA for comparison. Good luck!

  • Em

    How exciting!
    I would now consider ordering cabinets online! So even though you weren’t comped, you’ve done your part for humankind.

    Looking forward to the next post!

  • Melissa

    While reading the post I actually had a moment of panic that you would run out of Crappy posts. Whew, I am so glad you will be rationing them as it will certainly help with my Crappy withdrawal symptoms.

    • My Crappy House

      Don’t worry! I do still have a lot left, but the kitchen is such a big project, it feels right to break it up. You’re stuck with me for a while

  • Sylvia

    BRAVO!!! Love your choices of everything…floors up. I’ve been following along since you got the house. It’s looking great.
    I’m anxiously awaiting Phase III.

    Merry Christmas to you and your generous family.

  • Alicia

    I am so happy for you finally getting a kitchen! I have been waiting for a bathroom project for about as long! Cheers to dreams (finally)coming true!

    • My Crappy House

      I hope you get your bathroom soon. It feels SO GOOD to finally have a kitchen! Everyone should feel this!

  • Katherine

    No! You can’t run out of crappy house bits and crappy posts about them! If you do, yoy’re going to have to sell the formerly çrappy house and buy a new crappy house to start all over again and continue to keep us highly amused.

    Your kitchen is going to be beautiful.

    • My Crappy House

      I’ll just have to make sure I don’t run out of crappy bits with this house because I am NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN! I’m so tired… lol

  • Marilyn

    Another GREAT post Ms V., and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your kitchen… far! The gray/grey is so peaceful, it will keep you “calm” while making Chicken Cordon Bleu,or some other spectacular dinner! Have a wonderful Christmas my friend!

    • My Crappy House

      Thank you! I’m so so happy with my cabinet choice. It’s finally all coming together. You’re right – pouring milk in my cereal is now a calming experience

      Merry Christmas!

  • Brian Smingler

    Love following your adventures in rehabbing a house basically by yourself. You are doing a great job and I hope you stay there after you are done.

  • Jenny

    A freaking kitchen! Wow, I’m impressed. Really. I had got so use to seeing it before, I would forget that it’s just an impersonator. Can’t wait to see it all finished and dolled up.

  • Helen Wharton

    This is so exciting! What a treat seeing your kitchen coming together. It looks fabulous already, and that’s before the work tops and tiles have been fitted. You must have been weeing yourself with excitement watching your dream kitchen being assembled!

    Katherine is right. You can never stop Crappy posts. My heart jumps when I see a new post from you, and can’t wait to read about your latest project. You are going to have to sell your Crappy house when it’s finished and start another one. I need these Crappy fixes from you. Am renovating a totally Crappy house in North Wales, UK, and need your posts to inspire and keep me laughing about the state of our place.

    My 2 cats Edward Bear and Mrs Perkins are not interested in our renovation projects one bit, and are no help at all. You are very lucky having Egor assisting, supporting and encouraging you, and showing lots of interest.

    Your half built kitchen is awesome. You are awesome. And most of all, Egor is awesome.

    Have a very Happy Christmas and enjoy your new kitchen!!

    • My Crappy House

      Thank you so much! You’re very kind! Egor refuses to pitch in and will only supervise, but he’s pretty good in that capacity. Unfortunately, it’s been so long since I’ve had counters that he’s forgotten he’s not supposed to inspect them up close…

      Not to worry about me running out of posts. While I’ve promised myself to never EVER put myself through this again, I still have much to do and many things to write about. My crappy blog still has a lot of mileage left in it.

      I hope you’re making progress on your crappy house too! Happy Holidays to you, Edward Bear and Mrs. Perkins from me and Egor Riley

  • Terri Warner

    I always love your choices! You’re so patient for such a young girl. You will have everything you want in life, of that I’m sure.

    • My Crappy House

      Being poor forces patience, but how much do I love that you just called me a young girl! You just made my day!

  • Jim Wulforst

    Hey girl remember me? Met you on a plane to somewhere…but I live in NC (Chapel Hill formerly but NY native). Love what you are doing. Kitchen looks awesome. Moved to the Carolina coast 8 months ago and have a restaurant and building two more. Come visit! Sincerely, jim

    • My Crappy House

      Haha of course I remember you! Thanks for checking in! My parents live in the middle of the state, so I don’t get to the coast, but if I ever do, I’ll pop in. Good luck with your restaurants! That’s awesome

  • Gail

    It looks fantastic! Your details/style seems like it will flow with the other choices you’ve made throughout your house (from what I see from your posts, not like I’m looking in your windows or anything!) I think when your kitchen is done, it would be a perfect fit into adding some crappy cooking adventures into the blog…think of the content! Plus, you could totally continue to show the kitchen while cooking! Also, I feel like the backsplash is like the third cousin of your sofa, and that couldn’t be an accident! Happy Holidays!

    • My Crappy House

      Thank you! I’m feeling cohesion too! I can’t wait to see it all come together either. Happy Holidays to you also!

  • cindi

    Wow! It looks amazing.
    And I love all your photos and how you are tracking the progression of your brand new kitchen.
    Can’t wait to see the finished product.

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