A Modern Fairytale

Once Upon a Curtain

A long time ago, in a crappy house far, far away, there lived a pale princess named… um… Spackle. Yeah, OK. Princess Spackle. She had to rescue herself from… well, from herself because she’s a dumbass who tore her whole house apart without knowing how to put it all back together again. Princess Spackle may have been naïve, but she learned many skills and eventually became a DIY Ninja.

One day, Princess Spackle built a 6 story book house around the doorway to The Kingdom of Office Crap That Must Be Stored For All Eternity. This Kingdom was a relatively organized, yet unsightly realm. Princess Spackle thought about building doors to hide it, but decided that a curtain would look nicer and make office crap retrieval easier.

So, Princess Spackle went shopping. She shopped and shopped and bought many curtains from many stores, but eventually she narrowed her choices down to 5. One of them was a pretty gray curtain with a pretty silver lattice pattern that she liked very much. Princess Spackle was thinking it would make the best choice when suddenly she remembered some beautiful fabric she had purchased the year before that might look even better. She hung it up to take a look.

She immediately loved it and, the very next day, returned all of the curtains she had bought.

But then, a few weeks later, something unexpected happened. Princess Spackle, without any warning at all, abruptly decided (out of nowhere) to make a shower curtain out of the beautiful fabric instead. (Princess Spackle is annoyingly unpredictable.)

Now what would she do to cover the doorway to The Kingdom of Office Crap That Must Be Stored For All Eternity? She started shopping again and bought two more curtains that might work. One of those looked nice enough, so she made up her mind to use it. (As if Princess Spackle ever really makes up her mind. She’s kind of an indecisive pain in the ass, if you want the truth…)

arabesque curtain

Now Princess Spackle knows people like to follow her DIY Ninja adventures, but she is very lazy and it had been a long time since she’d had any adventures to talk about. So, even though she had already picked a curtain to use, she decided to play a game and ask people which curtain they liked best. She called it a Pointless Poll. Much to her dismay, the one everyone liked the best was the pretty gray curtain with the pretty silver lattice pattern that she had liked too from the very beginning.

arabesque gray curtain

Princess Spackle tried to find it again. She searched and searched for the pretty gray curtain with the pretty silver lattice pattern in every store in the land, but she couldn’t find it anywhere.

But then she did find yet another curtain that she liked…

gray wave pattern curtain

So she bought that one and hung it the hell up.

The End.

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    • My Crappy House

      Thanks! I expended way too much energy choosing a stupid curtain. This doesn’t bode well for future projects…

  • Alison

    I almost spit out my coffee at Princess Spackle. HA!

    I love the curtain you chose for the closet and I really like the shower curtain you made. I love how it still lets the light shine through!

    • My Crappy House

      Thank you! That was my exact reason for changing from the black to white. I took the black curtain down for a while to install a bath fan and when I hung it back up it was sooo dark! Much better now

  • Sylvia

    Hi Princess “Sparkle”….So glad to see your post in my inbox today. You make me laugh “&” I love the curtain and everything else you’ve done. Tearing everything out of the house before you know what to do and how to do it is one way to make sure it eventually does get done. I have a bad habit of making elaborate plans and doing nothing about them.
    I wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas. I look forward to the next Princess Spackle saga.

    • My Crappy House

      Thank you so much! Yes, I definitely made sure I had no choice but to press on… My laziness surely would have gotten the best of me had I tackled these projects separately like a normal person. You enjoy your holidays as well. Thanks for reading

  • judy

    I did not care for the 1st choice so I’m happy you couldn’t find it because the one you used is very handsome and says “very important stuff Behind this lovely drapery-entry not granted to those not in complete possession of their faculty’s.” Don’t know where that last part came from but I can’t find mine anywhere!

    • My Crappy House

      Lol maybe your faculties and my faculties are taking a nap behind a curtain somewhere… I don’t know. I’m confused.

  • Le

    As a Ninja myself, I hereby approve of the Ninja Pose and offer a Certificate of Authenticity. Do people know you are balanced in front of the abyss? They might be more impressed to see a shot of what would happen if you leaned just a wee bit backwards…

    Curtains look great in the bathroom. So beautiful in there. I’m boycotting any comments on how lovely the curtains look in the Kingdom because my previous opinion was ousted…(I actually don’t remember which one I picked). Boycott!!

    P.s. it looks great!

    • My Crappy House

      I know! Right?? I don’t think they know I’m toying with death or paralysis solely for the sake of their entertainment. The things I do…

      I felt bad not picking any of the pointless poll curtains. I deserve the boycott. I suck.

  • Jill

    Perfect curtain! And (or should it be & ?) it looks like you even ironed it. Impressive. I never iron. I figure the folds/wrinkles will eventually smooth out on their own.

    • My Crappy House

      Thank you for noticing! I totally did iron! I’ve tried your logic before. It works on the heavy curtains, but the light ones never let those wrinkles go. Unless you make them…

  • Lynn

    Yay! A new post! And a new persona, even! Apparently, I like exclamation points like you like ampersands. Anyway…Love the curtain. Love, love, LOVE the shower curtain. And really love how you help me to push forward in spiffing up my own home. I Just put my poor hubby through a curtain shopping/choosing/purchasing/hanging/returning/repurchasing/rehanging hellish experience in a guest room redo. Good thing we were both too worn out from that marital nightmare to pursue divorce. ;-). Enjoy your kingdom!

    • My Crappy House

      Did you make your husband iron? Because if you didn’t make him iron those curtains, he got off easy! And if you did make him iron, can you tell me where I might find a man who can be made to iron? Even a loaner would be fine. Preferably hot though…

      I actually love all punctuation!! I overpunctuate on a regular basis. (I also make up words.) In addition to ampersands, I have a special affection for ellipses…

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