Welcome to the Jungle

Not only is my house crappy, but my yard is extra crappy with a side of crap. Supersized. This past weekend, I planted a lawn. Well, it remains to be seen if it will be an actual lawn, but I put down seed and I’m crossing my fingers. I bought the lazy girl seed that’s specially coated to keep in extra moisture in case I forget (I will) to water. So I thought now would be a good time to catch you up on the story of my backyard from the beginning.

This is what my backyard looked like when I bought the house in May of 2011. My own private jungle. Exotic, huh? Don’t be jealous. (Click small images to open gallery)

Not only was the yard out of control, but you see that concrete slab that’s masquerading as a patio? Well, it’s actually a ramp that collects rainwater against my crappy house’s foundation. You know what happens when water sits on your foundation? I do. It finds its way inside. My basement is a whole other post, but here’s a preview (spoiler alert!): The f’ing water gets in there. The patio had to go.

Would you believe I actually thought I could break up the concrete myself with a sledge hammer? I took one swing and the patio actually snickered and said, “Really? You stupid little girl.” In a condescending tone. With a French accent. So I called in the Bobcat to kick its ass.

So my crappy yard was all torn up now. And guess what? I found out my cesspool was on the verge of collapse. Talk about crappy… So I had to dig up the yard again to put in a new cesspool. Luckily, I was well prepared for the expense. (No, of course I so was not.)

Did you notice the ugly metal fence? And did you notice my neighbor’s nice white fence behind it? Time to get rid of my eyesore and take advantage of other people’s investments…

So this brings us to this weekend. I despise yard work. But I hate spending money on labor even more, so I seeded and fertilized 2,400 square feet of dirt and then raked it in myself. I also made a rather flamboyant ghost to scare away the birds.

Will my girly ghost keep the birds away? Will I remember to turn on the sprinkler? Will my seeds sprout actual grass? Stay tuned…

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6 Responses to Welcome to the Jungle

  1. Wow, even with bare dirt it looks so much better! I wish my neighbors would put up a nice fence like that one.

    • My Crappy House says:

      I LOVE when I can take advantage of my neighbor’s upgrades. I wish they would plant some giant evergreens too

  2. Kelly Watts says:

    I am SO impressed. I just found your site (from a link on Apartment Therapy) and I am IN LOVE! We just purchased a small townhome and I was getting discouraged and impatient with repairs/projects. I can already tell your blog and DIY confidence will be keeping me inspired for MONTHS.

    • My Crappy House says:

      I LOVE hearing that I can inspire other people to tackle their projects! It makes me feel grrrreat! You just have to resign yourself to the fact that it WILL take a long time, but you WILL get it done! It’s not a race, right? Good luck

  3. bella says:

    I just found your blog and am starting from the beginning….when I really should be working. thanks.