My Crappy Yard: I Planted a Lawn

Welcome to the Jungle

Not only is my house crappy, but my yard is extra crappy with a side of crap. Supersized. This past weekend, I planted a lawn. (Well, it remains to be seen if it will be an actual lawn, but I put down seed and I’m crossing my fingers.) I bought the lazy girl seed that’s specially coated to keep in extra moisture in case I forget (I will) to water.

While the baby lawn struggles to grow, I thought now would be a good time to catch you up on the story of my backyard from the beginning.

That’s what my backyard looked like when I bought the house in May of 2011. My own private jungle. Exotic, huh? With free furniture, even! Don’t be jealous.

Not only was the yard out of control, but you see this concrete slab that used to be a patio a (very) long time ago?

Time collapsed it into a sort of ramp, collecting rainwater against my crappy house’s foundation. You know what happens when water sits on your foundation? I do. It finds its way inside. My basement is a whole other post, but, spoiler alert!: The freaking water gets in there. The patio had to go.

Would you believe I actually thought I could break up the concrete myself with a sledge hammer? I took one swing and the patio actually scoffed at me and said, “Ha! You stupid little girl.” In a condescending tone. With a French accent.

So I hired a Bobcat to kick its ass.

While Bob was kicking the jerk patio’s ass, he discovered that my patio wasn’t the only thing collapsing in my yard. The cesspool was also crumbling underground. Talk about crappy… So, I had to dig up more of the yard to put in a new cesspool. Luckily, I was well prepared for the expense.

(No, of course I so was not.)

Hey, did you notice that ugly metal fence? And did you notice my neighbor’s nice white fence behind it? Time to get rid of my eyesore and take advantage of other people’s investments. Thanks, neighbor!

So, post yardpocalypse, this brings us to this weekend. I despise yard work. But I hate spending money on labor even more, so I graded and seeded and fertilized 2,400 square feet of dirt and then raked it in myself. I’m so freaking tired.

I also made a rather flamboyant ghost to scare away the birds.

Will my girly ghost keep the birds away? Will I remember to turn on the sprinkler? Will my seeds sprout actual grass? Stay tuned…

*** Time travel links! Find out how my baby grass did here, and see what my backyard looks like now here, seven years later! (Spoiler alert!: I probably shouldn’t have ripped out the whole jungle…)

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    • My Crappy House

      I LOVE when I can take advantage of my neighbor’s upgrades. I wish they would plant some giant evergreens too

  • Kelly Watts

    I am SO impressed. I just found your site (from a link on Apartment Therapy) and I am IN LOVE! We just purchased a small townhome and I was getting discouraged and impatient with repairs/projects. I can already tell your blog and DIY confidence will be keeping me inspired for MONTHS.

    • My Crappy House

      I LOVE hearing that I can inspire other people to tackle their projects! It makes me feel grrrreat! You just have to resign yourself to the fact that it WILL take a long time, but you WILL get it done! It’s not a race, right? Good luck

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