Not only is my house crappy, but my yard is extra crappy with a side of crap. Supersized. This past weekend, I planted a lawn. Well, it remains to be seen if it will be an actual lawn, but I put down seed and I’m crossing my fingers. I bought the lazy girl seed that’s specially coated to keep in extra moisture in case I forget (I will) to water. So I thought now would be a good time to catch you up on the story of my backyard from the beginning.
This is what my backyard looked like when I bought the house in May of 2011. My own private jungle. Exotic, huh? Don’t be jealous. (Click small images to open gallery)
Not only was the yard out of control, but you see that concrete slab that’s masquerading as a patio? Well, it’s actually a ramp that collects rainwater against my crappy house’s foundation. You know what happens when water sits on your foundation? I do. It finds its way inside. My basement is a whole other post, but here’s a preview (spoiler alert!): The f’ing water gets in there. The patio had to go.
Would you believe I actually thought I could break up the concrete myself with a sledge hammer? I took one swing and the patio actually snickered and said, “Really? You stupid little girl.” In a condescending tone. With a French accent. So I called in the Bobcat to kick its ass.
So my crappy yard was all torn up now. And guess what? I found out my cesspool was on the verge of collapse. Talk about crappy… So I had to dig up the yard again to put in a new cesspool. Luckily, I was well prepared for the expense. (No, of course I so was not.)
Did you notice the ugly metal fence? And did you notice my neighbor’s nice white fence behind it? Time to get rid of my eyesore and take advantage of other people’s investments…
So this brings us to this weekend. I despise yard work. But I hate spending money on labor even more, so I seeded and fertilized 2,400 square feet of dirt and then raked it in myself. I also made a rather flamboyant ghost to scare away the birds.
Will my girly ghost keep the birds away? Will I remember to turn on the sprinkler? Will my seeds sprout actual grass? Stay tuned…