We Built a Deck! | My Crappy House

Small black-and-white dog lying under the newly built deck structure next to wooden support posts anchored in concrete footings.

I’m using the word “we” very loosely. In actuality, *I* did not build a deck. I *designed* a deck and then I left town while my *husband* built a deck. Could I have built a deck? Yes, of course I could. I am a badass. But did I want to build a deck? No, not really. I wanted a deck built. Funny how two sentences can sound so alike yet mean very different things…

What If I Wanted To?

2025 has been my year of self-acceptance. I will never be a morning person. (As I write this, it’s 2am.) I will never keep house plants alive. (RIP, Kermit…) I will never learn Chinese. (中文很难.) I will never plan a project and then go buy the supplies required to do that project and then take less than a year (or ten) to use the supplies to just freaking do the stupid project, already. It’s just who I am.

I’ve accepted that. You should, too.

So when we decided we wanted a deck, I knew that if I were to build it…

…I would watch a ton of YouTube videos, stress over the cost, what kind of wood, (maybe not even wood?), make Pinterest boards, interview people with decks to assess their deck-having satisfaction, procrastinate, overthink, borrow deck books from the library, not read them, forget to return them, pay late fees, then, in twenty years, we would sell our deckless house.

Back view of a small gray house with vinyl siding, a sliding glass door, and a dog standing on wooden steps in the backyard.

I Am a Control Freak

Not only would I not build the deck myself, my mere presence would be a fly in the ointment. A monkey in the wrench. Because here’s another truth about myself: I can’t not micromanage. I do not trust you to do it right without my help. And wtf does delegate even mean? I can’t help myself. My interference would certainly halt the project before it even got started. So, when we made the decision to build a deck, I knew. If we actually wanted it to get built, the best thing for me to do would be to just go away.

Can’t micromanage from across the country, right?

(No, I definitely could, but at least it would be a little harder to do from afar. Not much you can do when your calls go to voicemail…)

I Designed The Deck

I did all of my micromanaging up front. Guys, I designed the heck out of this deck. Meticulous measurements, architectural drawings, 3D renderings, the works. If I wasn’t going to be here to control everything, I was certainly going to leave behind positively forensic plans with explicit instructions to follow them down to the last splinter or die.

Either way, forensics would be involved.

The Deck Plan

I may have over designed the deck, but go big or go home, right? Although… this deck is at home… sooo… go big or stay home, right?

Go big or… well, just go.

Anyway, check out these deck plans. Here’s the bird’s eye view:

Overhead architectural drawing of a two-level deck showing dimensions, board layout, stair locations, railing posts, and lighting placement.

And the giraffe’s eye view:

Black-and-white 3D rendering of a two-level backyard deck with steps, railings, string lights, and the back wall of the house shown for reference.

Pretty sweet, don’t you think? I love levels and zones. Cool conversation areas to socialize with the company we never invite over.

We Hired a Heavy

We hired a friend of ours, a *professional*, to be the boss of the build. Not that my Schmoo isn’t capable, but it really was in his best interests to be the helper because if something went wrong, he could push our friend, Morgan, under the bus to save our marriage.

I imagined shopping at Home Depot with Morgan, loading up one of those crappy flat carts with all of our supplies…

Illustration showing a woman pushing a Home Depot flat cart in the parking lot inside a thought bubble, with cartoon characters like a unicorn and a bluebird surrounding the scene.

How dumb. You can’t fit a deck in a hatchback. A pro can estimate a job based on plans and then place an order for delivery with a building supply company, which is exactly what Morgan did for us.

Large delivery of bundled pressure-treated lumber stacked on a driveway next to bags of concrete mix.

Who knew we would need so much concrete!

Well, besides Morgan, who did know, actually. That’s why we hired him.

(Mostly…)

Man standing at a backyard construction site wearing a tool belt and a T-shirt that says I LIKE BIG DECKS, with lumber, tools, and a miter saw visible around him.

Morgan has a very different approach to a project than I do. While I spend most of my time researching and prepping and contemplating, he spends, like, all of his time working. (I know, right? Some people really do that.) He started working even before the materials arrived! I mean, I guess that’s one way to go…

Speaking of Going…

As promised, this is when I left town. The upside of my leaving is the deck actually got finished. The downside is that I was not there, so everything I say from this point on is pure conjecture. Speculation. My best guess. Probably nothing you couldn’t do yourself, but it’ll be more fun if we do it together.

No, not that. I’m talking about the construction process, people! Get your mind out of the gutter! Now let’s look at some deck pics.

They Built a Deck

In this first one, we can clearly see where Morgan staked out where the deck would go, according to my plans. The space looked a lot larger than I thought it would. Sometimes decks are just bigger than you expect them to be.

Backyard space marked with string layout lines showing the planned outline for a new deck behind a small gray house.

Rows of freshly dug post holes in a grassy backyard, with piles of soil, garden tools, and string layout lines marking the deck layout.

In order to support this really big deck, I imagine, holes were dug and concrete footings were poured. I bet this deck stays up longer than anyone will want it to.

Freshly poured concrete deck footings in cardboard tubes across a dirt area with shovels and tools lying nearby.

Low-angle view of evenly spaced wooden deck posts anchored in concrete footings across a cleared dirt area behind a gray house.

Partially completed deck with exposed framing and partially installed deck boards extending from the back of a gray house.

If I had to guess what’s going on here, I would say this looks to me like your standard structural perimeter assembly, followed by joist insertion at standardized intervals, capped with an orthogonally oriented plank matrix.

Duh.

Newly installed pressure-treated deck boards forming a raised platform beside a gray house, with vertical posts braced for framing.

The lower level had to be dug out by hand. My honey told me it was back-breaking work. I told him I knew exactly what he meant. I was in Las Vegas, which was also back-breaking.

Cleared and leveled dirt area beside a house where a deck will be built, with a wheelbarrow, tools, and partially completed deck framing visible.

Oh, right. Bank-breaking. That’s what I meant.

Pressure-treated lumber forming the lower deck frame laid out in a rectangular grid pattern against the back of the house.

If I were building this deck, I would have supported the lower deck frame with concrete, both to give it a solid base and to keep critters from burrowing under and moving their critter families in.

(No one likes critters under their deck.)

I’m pretty sure that’s what we’re seeing here. Well done, men.

Early deck construction area with a concrete mixer, buckets, lumber on sawhorses, and a small black-and-white dog resting in the grass nearby.

Partially built upper deck next to newly installed floor joists for a lower section, with tools and temporary shade canopy overhead.

Hey, remember these steps I built for Mona Lisa Vito? They were a feat of engineering, but…

These new steps are a solid upgrade. And we have three sets now, which means three ways to escape. Like, you know, from spiders. Or if we accidentally do invite people over.

Newly built pressure-treated wood deck stairs with tools and construction materials scattered on the surrounding deck surface.

Back view of a newly built two-level wooden deck with fresh pressure-treated boards and temporary support posts, with tools and chairs scattered around the workspace.

Newly constructed wooden deck stairs with partially built railing, set next to the house with a level tool leaning against the wall.

Welp, that’s almost all of the deck pics I have to share with you. I seriously could not be happier with how this deck turned out. My design is, frankly, flawless. Honestly, I am just so exceptionally talented! (Morgan and my honey are OK, too.)

Before the final reveal, let’s take one more look at our deckless house. We went from this:

To this!

You know, I really could get used to disappearing for a week and coming home to a major crappy house upgrade. No, sir. I would not mind that one bit…

So, that’s it. We’re all decked out now with no place to go. Mostly because we spent all of our money on this deck so we can’t afford to go anywhere. It’s OK though. Our yard is looking pretty sweet now. Hey! Maybe we will invite people over…

Just kidding. We won’t.

* This post contains no affiliate links and was written purely for your enjoyment.

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