Let Someone Else DIY for a Change
This is my favorite kind of post. The kind where I get to tell you about a major improvement to My Crappy House that I didn’t have to do myself. Because who even DIYs a freaking driveway anyway? The answer is crazy people and pretentious show-offs. Admittedly, I do usually fall into the latter category (yeah, OK, the former too), and, you’re right, this is a DIY blog, but even I have my limits.
Besides, my steamroller was in the shop…
The doorbell rings. You’re not expecting anyone. Maybe it’s Publisher’s Clearing House with a giant check! (Can you win a sweepstakes you didn’t enter?) Or, perhaps it’s a couple of well dressed, polite young adults wanting to know if you’ve found Jesus. (Amen?) Or, you know, it could be a psychopath who would like to come inside and chop you into little pieces. (No, thank you.) My point is, we live in a world where we need to see who’s at the door before we commit to being home. The peephole is like caller ID for visitors; you get to see who it is before you answer. Want to know how to install a peephole in your front door? I gotchu.
Do You Want to Know What a Panel Door Is?
All I’m offering is the truth. Nothing more. This post turned out to be much longer than I’d anticipated. Yes, it’s about how to paint a panel door with a brush, but it’s become so much more than that. More than I could have ever imagined. Maybe it’s more than you want. This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You click the BLUE LINK – you skip right to the information you came here for, and believe… whatever you want to believe. You click the RED LINK – you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes…
Welcome to My Rabbit Hole
Yeah. I heard it.
After painting it a lovely shade of gray, and updating the trim, My Crappy House is more attractive than it has ever been! Which… is really not saying very much at all. The landscaping and driveway still look like hell, but those are big ticket items and I just paid for a big ticket wedding. Who has any big ticket money left? Not me!
Painting a crappy front door is one way to gain a little bit of curb appeal without spending big ticket money. If the eyes in your face are the windows to your soul, then the front door to your home is the portal to… your living room, probably. Maybe a foyer, if you’re fancy. (No, not Narnia. That’s a different door.)
My Dishwasher Stinks
In the five years I’ve had my dishwasher, I’ve never cleaned the inside. I mean, it’s self cleaning, right? It gets washed with, like, every single use. So, I never really gave it much thought until it started to smell. Apparently, you’re supposed to clean the inside of your dishwasher once in a while. (I should’ve known. Self cleaning ovens are a big fat lie too.)
So, wtf was causing my dishwasher to smell? To the naked eye, it looked squeaky clean, but something must be causing that odor… It was a mystery, I tell you. (One that could have easily been solved by consulting the user manual, but what fun would that be?) Keep reading to follow my investigation: The Case of the Smelly Dishwasher. (Spoiler alert: I cracked this case wide open and my dishwasher now smells like a freaking meadow.)
There’s No Place Like Home
I dreamed of an end table that was smart and courageous with a lot of heart. (Which is a weird list of requirements for an end table, but just go with it.) I searched high and low. Near and far. Had there been a Wizard, I… well, I probably wouldn’t have wasted my one ‘Wizard ask’ on a silly end table, but in the end, it didn’t matter. It was right there with me all along! If I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than my own crappy house. What do you have in your inventory? Shop your own house and see…
You know what really bugs me? BUGS. I hate them. Yeah, I guess they’re necessary, or whatever, for a balanced ecosystem, or something. I don’t care. They need to stay out of my house (and my face) or suffer the deadly consequences. For I am a murderer of bugs. An annihilator of insects. This post is about my buggy experiences and my serial bug killer ways. Ants, termites and bed bugs need to GTFO, or die.
Because The World Needs More Pendant Posts
‘Twas a year ago (almost to the day) that I asked you if the world needed another post about choosing pendant lights. Not surprisingly at all, you told me that, Yes! It absolutely does!, so I’m finally getting around to it. My goal with this post is to let you know that’s it’s perfectly OK to have your heart set on a certain pendant light, but then to choose a different one. And then another different one. And then, another different one, after that other one.
In other words, it’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind— as many times as she freaking wants to. (Sorry, men. You have to stick with your first choice. Changing your mind shows weakness. You also have to throw away the installation instructions. Hey, I don’t make the fake rules. You’ll have to take it up with corporate…)
Anyway… Behold! My Kitchen.
So, obviously, you know how the kitchen pendant light story ends, but it was a long road getting here. Let’s go back to the beginning, shall we?
A Flower in the Attic
What’s this? Is it… Could it be? Is this an actual DIY post on my DIY blog? You better believe it, baby! I did some legit DIY this week in my master bedroom. (Really, my only bedroom…) So, this post will have a bunch of goodies for you, starting with deciding where to hang a ceiling light fixture, then I’m gonna crawl around my attic for a bit, then wire up some stuff.
Yes, I look like a dork wearing my headlamp, but these things are super useful on attic DIY missions… (Plus, I’m adorkable, so I can pull it off.)
Imagine If You Will
Imagine you’re in the shower. No, no. Don’t look down. Just close your eyes. Ahh. A nice, relaxing, hot shower. Soooo nice. Let your mind wander… Contemplate your place in the universe and why you exist on Earth and what happens when we die and why Paul Rudd hasn’t aged in 25 years and… Whoa. Okay, you’ve spent way too much time in there. You’re getting all pruney. Time to get out. You turn the water off, reach for your towel and…
Color Me Inspired!
While scrolling through my Instagram feed recently, I came upon this painting by Rachel Ruysch that is being auctioned off at Sotheby’s. (You know, that fancy auction house for rich folks?) The estimated worth is 1-1.5 million dollars. So, pardon me while I just go get my checkbook…