• No Figs For You!

    My fig tree is pissed! Here it is, mid June, and there’s not a leaf in site. You may recall me bragging about how tough my fig tree is. That post is here if you want to read it (and why wouldn’t you?), but I basically said that my tree needs no coddling from me to survive the harshness of a New York winter because she’s one tough bitch. Turns out, she’s a spiteful one too. She’s been flipping me the middle branch all spring.

    As far as I can tell, she’s not dead. She’s sleeping in. I do that too, but there comes a point where you have to wake the F up. Do your job, tree! If I slept through work, I’d get fired! OK, no I wouldn’t because I’m the boss, but still. Make my figs, you lazy ass tree!

  • How to Get Landscaping Done For Free

    Take My Trees. Please.

    Did you know you can get landscaping done for free? Yup. There’s free labor out there. People can’t wait to come over and dig up your yard. As long as there’s something worth digging up. And as long as you let them take that something home with them…