Where Am I?

I’ve made it super easy for you to keep up with my blog this year. It’s now June and I’ve only written two posts. Two. (Well, three, if you count this one…) See, I know you’re busy, so I didn’t want to burden you with tons of fascinating post reading. I’m always thinking of you. You’re welcome.

And that’s a random picture of Egor for you to enjoy. You’re welcome. Again…

OK, I know I suck. I’ve been busy planning, but not actually doing so I haven’t had much of anything to write about. But, with all of this planning (on big, BIG projects guys!), the second half of 2016 is going to kick some major ass! So, where the hell is a post on one of those ass kicking big projects, you ask? I think it’s somewhere in late June/early July. (Yes, 2016, smart ass.) In other words, not written yet. This crappy post will have to tide you over.

Remember how your favorite sitcoms from the 90s would do a flashback show and you were like, These are all recycled scenes! How lame…? This post will be like that.

May 16th was my 5 year anniversary of closing on this crappy house, so I thought it was about time for a “wtf is going on?” post with some pictures of then and now and some words about those pictures. You know. Where I’ve been… Where I am now… Where I’m going… Why it’s taken me so long to get there…

So, let’s go back in time, shall we? The year was 2011… The house was crappy

Ew. What can I say about my crappy house? It was cheap. Here’s a current pic.

It’s somewhat better now. For one, the lawn has been (mostly) mowed since then and I removed a bunch of trees. Also, I had a bay window installed for Egor… um, for me. (You know… to watch the world go by… in between my naps…) You may also notice a new roof, new gutters, a new storm door, new front steps and a new porch light. No posts about those, but they all happened at some point. This picture is proof.

In the future, I will paint the front of the house and, hopefully, scrape off this crappy landscape and start all over. (I keep hoping Yard Crashers will find me wandering around Lowes. If God likes me, that will happen.)

Here’s the living room before I did anything:

And after some remodeling, a new subfloor, brick wall, radiators and paint:

I will neither confirm nor deny that one of the big (big) projects I’m planning is a new floor. (OK, it is, but don’t tell anyone.)

You guys remember my dining room? This is how it looked on day 1:

And you know how it looks now because I just posted it in… crap, was that March? Time flies… It still looks exactly like this though:

You know the plans in here. Pick a freaking color already. Paint the walls with said freaking color. Have a dinner party, or something.

This was my spectacular (ly filthy) kitchen from 2011:

It still looks like this:

Buuuut… not for long? I don’t know… Maybe… Who can say? (Well, I can, but let’s just leave some more suggestive dots here instead…)

This post is starting to bore me, so let’s speed things up with some side by side pics. Here’s my hallway, before and after:

And my beautiful dressing room:

My fabulous bathroom:

And my office (which still needs crown molding):

I’ve spent zero time with you on my bedroom. That’s because I have yet to do anything to make it nice. Right now, it’s a storage area for all of my art crap, decor crap, and food… well, food crap, actually. (AKA mac and cheese and Doritos.) (No kitchen, remember?) (For now… shhhh…) And my bed isn’t even made, so I won’t be taking a current picture for you. I have awesome design plans for my bedroom though and, someday, I will be prepared to share them with you, but today is not that day. A “before” is kind of a let down without an “after”, so I’m including a picture of it half done. Let’s call it a “halfter”. (Actually, no. Let’s not do that.)

OK, that wasn’t so bad. I see no point in dragging you down into my basement. There’s nothing there you haven’t seen already and it would really suck getting back out because I have no stairs. (That’s my way of telling you I’m working on building new basement stairs.)

No, I’m not really trapped… Of course I have a freaking ladder. Still, climbing down a ladder with a basket of laundry isn’t ideal, so I have motivation to get these stairs finished ASAP. (I know, I know, ASAP in my world is like 3 months, but I don’t have 3 month’s worth of underwear, so this will be ASAP for reals.)

I know 5 years is a long time, but, being as lazy and poor as I am, I think I’ve accomplished quite a lot and, I have to say, I’m very impressed with myself at the moment. Feel free to post a comment below. You can either join me in my self-admiration or berate me for taking 3 months to write 1 post. I’m OK with either. I just really like the attention.

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  • Barbara Christianson

    Looks great. Great design ideas take time & all that manual labor takes lots of time – both for execution & recovery. I love your posts for the humor & the house crap is just a bonus. Thanks for the giggles.

    • My Crappy House

      I tend to do a lot of recovery. On my couch. Watching Netflix… I’m glad I could provide some giggles. That makes me happy

    • My Crappy House

      I have to tell you – not one second of buyer’s remorse on that couch. Every time I walk by it, I fall in love with it all over again. It looks great in every light at every time of day. One of my best purchases ever!

    • My Crappy House

      I try to brush Egor a lot so he doesn’t shed too much. His hair does stick, but the couch isn’t covered in it and it’s easy to vacuum off. Now… when you say blue… are you talking about my dining room walls? Because the couch is way way green. If you’re seeing blue, it might be time to visit your friendly neighborhood eye doc…

    • Michelle

      ha… no, I’m sorry, my mind works in shorthand.. i fell for the blue in one of the swatches.. which though is close to the myriad of blues you are considering for your dining room….see shorthand

    • My Crappy House

      lol OK, I was a little worried about you. (Not too worried because there are worse things than color blindness, but still…)You should wait for a sale and then pounce! You won’t regret this couch. I bet it would look amazing in blue

  • LaFawne

    I vote for the blue square directly in the middle! I do not know how you stood in that tiny space long enough to get a pic, I would be freaking out and literally climbing the walls…. Cannot choose a favorite room, love them all- great job! And you can never go wrong with a pic of Egor.

    • My Crappy House

      Well, you can’t see it in the picture, but directly in front of me was my basement, (and my freaking ladder…) and above me was my friend taking the pic. The hole was just too “Silence of the Lambs” to not take advantage of!

  • Lorraine

    I guess I started reading your blog after you put the brick wall in. I didn’t realize it wasn’t part of the original house. I love it and I also love the light coming from the back of the TV. How’d you do that?

    • My Crappy House

      Thank you! That’s a kit I bought at IKEA. Conveniently, Amazon sells it here in case you don’t live near IKEA. You can make the light almost any color.

  • Katherine

    Your posts are worth the wait. It’s nice to see a round-up of all you’ve done. It’s a lot and you have every right to think you’re a talented remodeler. I have wanted a Chesterfield sofa my whole adult life…no luck yet!

    • My Crappy House

      Thank you! This sofa was SO reasonable on sale from Macy’s. It feels really well made too!

  • teri

    here in the UK I’m enjoying seeing the entrails of a USA house, much more interesting than glossy pics. You’ve done a lot – and at our house it took us 19 years to replace the back yard door that the surveyor said should be done immediately as it was rotten… I wish I had a basement.

    • My Crappy House

      lol I love how you put that – “the entrails”. Are the guts of a US home a lot different than a UK one? I’m so self-centered, I’ve never given it much thought! Basements are great when they’re dry. When they’re not, you really wish they weren’t there at all… And since your back yard door most likely wasn’t holding up the house, I’d have been inclined to put that off too. There’s so much else to do in life

  • Jill

    Your dressing room is amazing. I want one just like it, but it would mean getting off my ass and doing something about my hell pit of a spare bedroom. I’m curious: how many bathrooms does your crappy house have?

    • My Crappy House

      I have just the one bath. My house is only about 1000 square feet, so I think a 2nd bathroom would be overkill. If you’re able to transform that bedroom into a closet, I highly recommend it!

  • Julia

    I was going to make a joke about seeing a can of fava beans on your kitchen counter and being scared…then I realized you don’t have any kitchen counters…

  • Arlie Boutwell

    Ok so where did you get the couch, what is its name? And the blue colors are all very dark
    Love your blog

    • My Crappy House

      My couch is called the Saybridge from the Martha Stewart collection at Macys. Find it here, but it only comes in two boring colors online. If you go to a Macy’s furniture store, you can have it custom made in tons of colors.

      Is it bad that my blues are dark?

    • Arlie Boutwell

      I think I need that couch, I like dark colors I just cant bring myself to live with them when I paint dark, I once painted a room a brown that I thought I would love, when I started repainting my husband said what’s wrong with it I said s*** brown, the second color not so brown got repainted, the Mister once again asks what’s wrong with it, I said Pyridium piss. Maybe its just my nursing background? It will be fun to see how your dark blue looks with your dark slate. Love your blog by the way…Arlie

    • My Crappy House

      If you think you need this couch, then you definitely need this couch. Watch for sales…

      This may be the first time I’ve painted a room this dark, but I think it will be OK. And, if not, I’ll be repainting too!

  • Marcia King

    Finally! I’ve been waiting for your next post (& Egor photo). Absolutely admire all you have done & looking forward to more! You are a super hero!

    • My Crappy House

      Thank you! Princess Spackle! Saving crappy houses, one at a time! (Well, just this one because I am SO done after this…)

  • Linda

    Your remodeling and decorating skills are really something to be proud of. I sure does take time and money to do all that you have done. I’m almost 3 years into my remodeling process, and it is just basic stuff like choosing colors and trying to stick with them once the paint is on the walls (and I’m not doing too well in that department). I always enjoy updats from you and Egor. Keep up the good work.

    • My Crappy House

      Thank you! It’s a good thing paint is cheap. That’s one of the easier things to change your mind about

  • Elaine in Laguna

    As a longtime homeowner, I had to comment that you’ve done a lot in 5 years and it’s beautiful! Several projects include those that make the house habitable. Not sexy but necessary! Here’s to your home anniversary and your hard work! I look forward to seeing what blue you choose because I love your slate floor. My other fav projects are your dressing room and brick wall installation. Very amazing! Once you finish all the projects, it will be time to…move! Keep up the good work and great posts!

    • My Crappy House

      lol bite your tongue! I need at least a few years here to enjoy my house in a completed state. Thanks for mentioning all of that “not sexy” stuff. I did complete some major behind the scenes projects that no one would want to see. Sometimes I forget about those.

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