I Am a Slob | My Office Mess: Before and After
Beware of the Mess
Some of you have asked me for an updated house tour. I would love to do that for you, but the honest truth is that I can’t right now because I am a slob. Don’t believe me? This is my office…
I seriously don’t know how it gets like this. It happens so gradually that I don’t even notice. It’s kinda like… You know how you think your face hasn’t changed in the last ten years and then you see a picture of yourself from back then and you’re like OMG! WTF HAPPENED!?
Well, my mess is exactly like that. Like surprise-old-lady-face.
(No, it’s a good metaphor. Just go with it.)
I guess it doesn’t help that I have slight hoarding tendencies. I mean, what if I need that VCR? Video tape watching emergencies do happen. And HEY! That Thigh Master is still good! I can’t throw that out! And no, you can’t have too many unread “how to” books. That’s just knowledge waiting to be assimilated! And who can resist a good how to book?
Resistance is futile.
Finding homes for all of my crap is an endless endeavor; partially because I’m always buying new crap and also because I just don’t have a lot of space for the crap that already lives here. So, basically, the situation is a huge crap population with a housing shortage. I need to somehow reduce my population of crap. Perhaps establish some sort of crap reduction protocol. Like, maybe three things must go if I want to add something new.
(By creatively referring to my crap as “a population”, it sounds like I’m murdering three crap citizens for every new one that moves in. I’m a monster! I feel terrible.)
What is This Post Even About?
In case you haven’t realized what’s going on here, let me be blunt. There is no DIY this week. Well, I did clean my office myself, so technically this is DIY, but I get it if you’re mad. I mean, I don’t even have any cleaning or organization tips for you. This post offers you nothing.
Except that my office is now clean, so there’s that. (But that was for me. Not for you. You still have nothing.)
You have to admit, though… It is quite a transformation.
(Nope. Still no trim on this bookcase. It’s only been six years since I built it. Don’t rush me…)
Anyway, the truth is, if you’re going to get a post from me every week, some of them will be like this. Just a girl doing mundane things in her crappy house. Maybe you can relate. Maybe you’re gross too.
Or maybe you are not gross. Like, at all. Maybe you’re wicked organized like Marie Freaking Kondo and your house is so neat that it doesn’t bother you at all if company drops by unexpectedly. You don’t even have to run around with a laundry basket to gather all of your homeless crap so you can hide it in the basement before you answer the door because you don’t want your friends to find out how gross you really are. And you’re not even a little bit worried the whole time that they’ll ask to use your bathroom.
Fine. You do a house tour.
If Only it Was This Easy…
(Slide the line on that photo to the right and you, too, can clean my office! If only it was this easy for reals…)
So, thanks for letting me use all of you as motivation to clean my crappy office this week. You’re all very kind, selfless people. Very smart and attractive too. And hey, did you lose weight? Oh, and btw, thanks for not unsubscribing, my BFFs. (You know, blog friends forever…)
(Seriously. Don’t leave me.)
Our relationship is so solid, I just know you’ll be back next week to read whatever it is I’ll be writing about, even though I don’t have a clue what that will be yet. I guess we’ll both be surprised…
And here’s a picture of Egor. He’s just surprised my office is clean.
*** HEY! Thanks for reading this post all the way to the end. Just for you, I actually did write a post describing my fabulous method for cleaning a room. You can check it out here. As a certified slob, I promise you this method works. You just saw how well! Happy cleaning…
OK, not happy cleaning. You know what I meant.
37 Comments
Joan
Had to feel good to get that room in order! I’ve been in MY crappy house 8 years next week and I’m STILL not unpacked. Furniture was ruined in storage and I don’t have the money to replace what got ruined or to get the stuff done that I need. It’s driving me insane. But, I do what I can. Little by little I’m seeing progress, but I really wish I could do that slider thing on my own place so it would all be done and I could just get down to just be dealing with maintenance.
Ruth Powers
You give me hope! My office looks like your before. I’m working on it!!
Missy “out of work” Coss
I think I’m Going to do my office now…tomorrow…
Lisa
Hey, do you have an extra ampersand I can borrow?
Teena
Your ampersand collection is impressive!
GK
Seriously, HOW do rooms get like that? I seem to always have one of those-close the door when unexpected company appears! And I also have the bathroom freakout…
Trollopian
The bathroom freakout is real at my place (a 1-BA apartment) ’cause it’s where the litterbox is and even if I scrubbed and disinfected and polished just 10 minutes earlier my cat is guaranteed to go in there and deposit a BIG SMELLY DUMP. Right before company comes. Or worse, during their visit.
Em
You HAVE to purchase “Decluttering at the Speed of Life”! It’s written for people just like us!
I bought my copy last fall and enjoyed the first few chapters, which is as far as I got. I’m sure if I finish it, I will be super neat forever. Or motivated to be that way. In the meantime, it’s in my book pile, which is very similar to yours…in an office that’s somewhat similar to your “before” picture.
Pat Rodowsky
You’re. NOT. Gross. Thank you, dear Crappy House Lady, for posting your “gross” mess. What you are is “normal.” You’ve made all of us followers extremely happy by showing that you are normal. And, you’ve given us (or at least me) inspiration to tackle some of our own clutter. Thank you!
Trollopian
Great to see Egor, were there any cat toys under the crap population, er, Collection of Valuables?!
Trollopian
Seriously, though: I’ve helped enough elderly friends and relatives downsize (sometimes not their choice, when they could no longer live independently), and been executor enough times, that I’m acutely aware of Crap. And that someday someone will go through my Crap. Grim, but a great motivator.
But damn, I hope whoever that person is bothers to donate my famous Tacky Postcard Collection to the Smithsonian.
Linda Vitale
Oh my gosh, you sound like me, lmao!
Mom
OMG, you are my daughter, not the creative part, the crap collector part. I did have that “ surprise old lady face “ experience and I did say WTF happened. Thank goodness I now have a magic mirror. BTW Thanks for the laughs, always something I can use.
Barbara H.
What can I say? I agitated for a house tour and I got it – at least one room which is better than nothing. I was happily scrolling down thinking my spare room / office is a tiny bit better than this when my world came crashing down and your office was transformed. Now the pressure is on to clear my desk around the computer and the bed. The bed is a must because it is full of cat hair from sleeping cats who would much rather be on top of the keyboard but get chased off of the desk. Keep it up and I will start trying to catch up!
Debby
OMG that made me laugh. This year I have lost all motivation – I am lazy and bored even though I have a million things to do. At least you cleaned up – My craft room has become a storage room for junk. I don’t like being this way.
Le
You’re so funny! And what an eclectic collection of books! What are 50 games you can play with your cat? And why did you need to buy a book to find out!?? LOLOLOL
The office looks wonderful! It must of taken you all day (based on the light coming in from the office window!). Where did you put all that stuff? Did you really clean the crap or relocate them? Without the whole house tour…we can never be sure…
Aunt Ann
I love that the top book is how to organize .
You also have a new book to add to your collection.
Barbara
You crack me up! I will definitely be looking forward to your next post. Even those of us who are organized or as my grandchildren like to call it “obsessive” have spots in the house that get out of hand.
Le
No way!!! That cat game book is not from me. Is it from Grace maybe? Or Mom on one of her bargain hunting trips? Don’t blame that book on me! lol I put in a conscious effort to not give cat related gifts to cat people…in case they are sick of it from all the other people giving them cat related things. (ps. sorry, I don’t know how to respond to that original post. There’s no buttons to choose to reply.)