I Am a Slob | My Office Mess: Before and After

Beware of the Mess

Some of you have asked me for an updated house tour. I would love to do that for you, but the honest truth is that I can’t right now because I am a slob. Don’t believe me? This is my office…

I seriously don’t know how it gets like this. It happens so gradually that I don’t even notice. It’s kinda like… You know how you think your face hasn’t changed in the last ten years and then you see a picture of yourself from back then and you’re like OMG! WTF HAPPENED!?

Well, my mess is exactly like that. Like surprise-old-lady-face.

(No, it’s a good metaphor. Just go with it.)

I guess it doesn’t help that I have slight hoarding tendencies. I mean, what if I need that VCR? Video tape watching emergencies do happen. And HEY! That Thigh Master is still good! I can’t throw that out! And no, you can’t have too many unread “how to” books. That’s just knowledge waiting to be assimilated! And who can resist a good how to book?

Resistance is futile.

Finding homes for all of my crap is an endless endeavor; partially because I’m always buying new crap and also because I just don’t have a lot of space for the crap that already lives here. So, basically, the situation is a huge crap population with a housing shortage. I need to somehow reduce my population of crap. Perhaps establish some sort of crap reduction protocol. Like, maybe three things must go if I want to add something new.

(By creatively referring to my crap as “a population”, it sounds like I’m murdering three crap citizens for every new one that moves in. I’m a monster! I feel terrible.)

What is This Post Even About?

In case you haven’t realized what’s going on here, let me be blunt. There is no DIY this week. Well, I did clean my office myself, so technically this is DIY, but I get it if you’re mad. I mean, I don’t even have any cleaning or organization tips for you. This post offers you nothing.

Except that my office is now clean, so there’s that. (But that was for me. Not for you. You still have nothing.)

You have to admit, though… It is quite a transformation.

(Nope. Still no trim on this bookcase. It’s only been six years since I built it. Don’t rush me…)

Anyway, the truth is, if you’re going to get a post from me every week, some of them will be like this. Just a girl doing mundane things in her crappy house. Maybe you can relate. Maybe you’re gross too.

Or maybe you are not gross. Like, at all. Maybe you’re wicked organized like Marie Freaking Kondo and your house is so neat that it doesn’t bother you at all if company drops by unexpectedly. You don’t even have to run around with a laundry basket to gather all of your homeless crap so you can hide it in the basement before you answer the door because you don’t want your friends to find out how gross you really are. And you’re not even a little bit worried the whole time that they’ll ask to use your bathroom.

Fine. You do a house tour.

If Only it Was This Easy…

(Slide the line on that photo to the right and you, too, can clean my office! If only it was this easy for reals…)

So, thanks for letting me use all of you as motivation to clean my crappy office this week. You’re all very kind, selfless people. Very smart and attractive too. And hey, did you lose weight? Oh, and btw, thanks for not unsubscribing, my BFFs. (You know, blog friends forever…)

(Seriously. Don’t leave me.)

Our relationship is so solid, I just know you’ll be back next week to read whatever it is I’ll be writing about, even though I don’t have a clue what that will be yet. I guess we’ll both be surprised…

And here’s a picture of Egor. He’s just surprised my office is clean.

*** HEY! Thanks for reading this post all the way to the end. Just for you, I actually did write a post describing my fabulous method for cleaning a room. You can check it out here. As a certified slob, I promise you this method works. You just saw how well! Happy cleaning…

OK, not happy cleaning. You know what I meant.

Subscribe and I'll love you forever.

Every time you share, an angel gets their wings.


  • Joan

    Had to feel good to get that room in order! I’ve been in MY crappy house 8 years next week and I’m STILL not unpacked. Furniture was ruined in storage and I don’t have the money to replace what got ruined or to get the stuff done that I need. It’s driving me insane. But, I do what I can. Little by little I’m seeing progress, but I really wish I could do that slider thing on my own place so it would all be done and I could just get down to just be dealing with maintenance.

    • My Crappy House

      Oh, boy, I feel you! I wish I could “slider clean” my whole house too! I get stuck in a sort of overwhelmed limbo where nothing at all gets done. I have to stop looking at the big picture and just pick one little bit to work on. It felt so good to clean my office, FINALLY! Hopefully, I can continue the trend. Good luck with your crappy house!

    • My Crappy House

      It helps to manufacture accountability. I seriously had nothing else prepared to post today, so I HAD to clean my office. I’m very lucky to have my blog readers to motivate me… Inviting people over is usually a good motivator, but it’s too easy to just close the office door, so might I suggest you invite friends over for a party IN your office…

    • My Crappy House

      Thank you! It just sort of happened. I like the shape of them and I started seeing them everywhere, so my collection grew & grew & grew!

  • GK

    Seriously, HOW do rooms get like that? I seem to always have one of those-close the door when unexpected company appears! And I also have the bathroom freakout…

    • My Crappy House

      Oh, the bathroom freakout is so real. But I love when company drops by the day after I’ve cleaned it. I’m all like, “Hey, you can totally use the bathroom if you want to. Want something to drink?”

    • Trollopian

      The bathroom freakout is real at my place (a 1-BA apartment) ’cause it’s where the litterbox is and even if I scrubbed and disinfected and polished just 10 minutes earlier my cat is guaranteed to go in there and deposit a BIG SMELLY DUMP. Right before company comes. Or worse, during their visit.

  • Em

    You HAVE to purchase “Decluttering at the Speed of Life”! It’s written for people just like us!

    I bought my copy last fall and enjoyed the first few chapters, which is as far as I got. I’m sure if I finish it, I will be super neat forever. Or motivated to be that way. In the meantime, it’s in my book pile, which is very similar to yours…in an office that’s somewhat similar to your “before” picture.

    • My Crappy House

      I trust you, therefore I just put it on my Kindle. I hope I’m more successful with this one than with Marie Kondo’s book. I don’t think I got 10% into that one before I gave up. She can’t help me.

  • Pat Rodowsky

    You’re. NOT. Gross. Thank you, dear Crappy House Lady, for posting your “gross” mess. What you are is “normal.” You’ve made all of us followers extremely happy by showing that you are normal. And, you’ve given us (or at least me) inspiration to tackle some of our own clutter. Thank you!

    • My Crappy House

      Haha, no, the cats haven’t had room to play in here. And I’m also happy to report there were no other cat “surprises” uncovered either. Egor has had a queasy belly lately, so I was nervous…

  • Trollopian

    Seriously, though: I’ve helped enough elderly friends and relatives downsize (sometimes not their choice, when they could no longer live independently), and been executor enough times, that I’m acutely aware of Crap. And that someday someone will go through my Crap. Grim, but a great motivator.

    But damn, I hope whoever that person is bothers to donate my famous Tacky Postcard Collection to the Smithsonian.

    • My Crappy House

      Oh, I think those thoughts too! Whoever goes through my crap will wonder why I saved a Ziploc bag with sand and seashells in it.

  • Mom

    OMG, you are my daughter, not the creative part, the crap collector part. I did have that “ surprise old lady face “ experience and I did say WTF happened. Thank goodness I now have a magic mirror. BTW Thanks for the laughs, always something I can use.

  • Barbara H.

    What can I say? I agitated for a house tour and I got it – at least one room which is better than nothing. I was happily scrolling down thinking my spare room / office is a tiny bit better than this when my world came crashing down and your office was transformed. Now the pressure is on to clear my desk around the computer and the bed. The bed is a must because it is full of cat hair from sleeping cats who would much rather be on top of the keyboard but get chased off of the desk. Keep it up and I will start trying to catch up!

    • My Crappy House

      You will get your house tour! I just need to “slide clean” a few more rooms… Hopefully, the office will still be clean by the time I finish cleaning the rest of the rooms. It’s a vicious cycle, you know…

  • Debby

    OMG that made me laugh. This year I have lost all motivation – I am lazy and bored even though I have a million things to do. At least you cleaned up – My craft room has become a storage room for junk. I don’t like being this way.

    • My Crappy House

      That’s exactly how I’ve been feeling! This awful year has amplified my laziness and it had really started to take a toll on my emotional well being. The clutter in my office was a physical representation of what it looks like in my brain and I just couldn’t imagine getting anything done until it was cleaned. I do feel a little bit lighter, but there’s still more to do around here. Little by little…

  • Le

    You’re so funny! And what an eclectic collection of books! What are 50 games you can play with your cat? And why did you need to buy a book to find out!?? LOLOLOL

    The office looks wonderful! It must of taken you all day (based on the light coming in from the office window!). Where did you put all that stuff? Did you really clean the crap or relocate them? Without the whole house tour…we can never be sure…

    • My Crappy House

      That’s a fair point, but I managed to clean the office with minimal relocation. I have a couple of boxes to send away and that’s about it. (I’m sending some crap to live with other populations in other crappy houses…)

      Why do I feel like the cat game book was a gift from you…?

    • My Crappy House

      Haha I was hoping someone would notice that! And I can’t believe I didn’t put that one in the pile… #missedopportunity

  • Barbara

    You crack me up! I will definitely be looking forward to your next post. Even those of us who are organized or as my grandchildren like to call it “obsessive” have spots in the house that get out of hand.

  • Le

    No way!!! That cat game book is not from me. Is it from Grace maybe? Or Mom on one of her bargain hunting trips? Don’t blame that book on me! lol I put in a conscious effort to not give cat related gifts to cat people…in case they are sick of it from all the other people giving them cat related things. (ps. sorry, I don’t know how to respond to that original post. There’s no buttons to choose to reply.)

    • My Crappy House

      Haha well, it wasn’t a serious gift, whoever gave it to me. I mean, who doesn’t know how to play with a cat…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *