My Kitchen Remodel

My Bitchin’ Kitchen: Part I

I have been planning my kitchen remodel for a looooooong time. It’s been more than five years with this crappy set up where a kitchen should be:

Truth be told, it wasn’t so bad. I’m no chef, so it wasn’t like I was longing to whip up any elaborate meals. This arrangement was adequate for making macaroni and cheese (from a box… duh…) and bowls of cereal, but it was super ugly. Just because I don’t know how to use a kitchen doesn’t mean I don’t want it to be pretty. And hey, maybe I would learn to cook in a pretty kitchen. It could happen. You don’t know.

Anyway, flashback time. When I first walked through the front door of this crappy house in 2011, this is what I saw.

A crappy wall blocking everything. I couldn’t wait to go home and renovate the place in 3D:

Ahh. So much better. And, although we’ve been over this, here’s a reminder of the before and after floor plans:

Most of the time I can’t make a decision to save my life, (Still working on this one…), but my kitchen remodel plan never wavered. What you see in that plan is actually what you’ll see in the after pics. (Eventually. Don’t get excited. This isn’t the post with the after pics. I know. I suck.)

Gray Kitchens Were My Idea

You know what else sucks? When I have a design plan in mind for years, but before I’m able to implement it, everyone else in the free world is doing the same damned thing that I had planned. So then it looks like I’m jumping on the trendy bandwagon, when, in fact, all of these freaking people are jumping on my wagon. I built the stupid thing. Case in point: Gray kitchens.

That’s the door sample I ordered four long years ago. You know, when everyone’s kitchen was white and white with white accents? Now that I’m finally ready to get going on my kitchen, gray cabinets are suddenly “in”. Stop copying me before I do stuff, people!

Since my cabinets are on the darker side, I wanted to pick a lighter counter. This is quartz by Cambria in their Berwyn design:

Seriously, pictures do not do it justice. It’s gorgeous in person. It’s got a little bit of sparkle in it which is perfect for me because I’m a little bit fancy.

It goes beautifully with the most expensive backsplash tile in history:

Once I saw it, it was all over. Nothing else compares. It totally sucks having such a sophisticated taste level with no money, but that’s my burden. It’s heavy.

This pendant light looks like it was made to coordinate with the most expensive tile ever created. I bought three to go over the island.

And I bought these bar stools so my friends can sit at the island and keep me company while I cook delicious meals in my kitchen. (Shh… I totally bought them so I could sit and keep my friends company while they cook delicious meals in my kitchen. I so know what I’m doing over here…)

You can hate this stool (my mom does), but I lurve it and it’s my house so you can just go fly a kite. You and my mom. Which will be weird, seeing as how you two don’t know each other, but whatever.

The Mood Board

So, how does all of this come together? I made a you a mood board!

Because that’s totally just as satisfying as actual after pictures, right? I know. Don’t hate me. They’re coming. In the meantime, here’s a preview with Egor…

If he fits, he sits.

Guys, we’re getting close! You’re going to see pictures of a finished kitchen before the year is out*. My finished kitchen. How crazy is that? Subscribe below so you don’t miss it.

*Updated April 2021*

*Well, that was a lie… I technically still have not finished my kitchen… in the year 2021. It’s almost finished, but I still need blinds for one window. See it in its nearly done state right here.

In a shocking twist of events, I did not end up using the “nothing else compares” “most expensive backsplash tile in history” tile. (You should know, I change my mind allll the time.) See what I did pick here.

Oh, and one more lie regarding my “never wavering kitchen remodel plan”… my pendant lights! Read that whole sordid tale here. (Spoiler alert: They aren’t the ones I showed you above…)

Wow. I am such a liar!

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  • Marilyn

    Oh V, It’s just BEAUTIFUL, I love your “mood board” (did you think of this or is it a designers term?) The colors are soooo pretty and your lights,OMG, just gorgeous! The chairs match to a “T” but they might be hard on your rump, you thinking fabric cushions? ??? I know, that would mean another decision!! Tammy can help you with that, she is the only gal I know that can spend HOURS looking for the right fabric! LOVED THIS POST!

    • My Crappy House

      Can’t take credit for the “mood board”. It’s a design thing. It’s a great way to see how things will fit together. I don’t want cushions for the stools, but the good news is there’s a couch right there that people can sit on if their butts hurt. The stools actually aren’t uncomfortable though. It’s the same as sitting on a wood chair.

  • Trollopian

    Computer monitors can’t be trusted to reproduce colors faithfully…but that backsplash, on mine, has very strong hints of brownish olive green. It clashes mildly with the grey cabinets and grey-veined countertops. Just sayin’. Any chance of leaving the backsplash till last, after the others are in?

    But the important thing is that the cabinets and countertops complement Egor’s coloring. And he knows it. Yay Egor!

    • My Crappy House

      Yeah, I had some trouble getting the colors accurate in my pics. You just have to trust me that they look amazing all together in real life. And, of course, it all coordinates with Egor

  • Pat Rodowsky

    Love your “mood board.” Will have to make one for myself. It makes me feel better to know that not everyone can redo their kitchen quickly. Everything at my house takes soooo much time (sigh) and your posts give me hope. Looking forward to your kitchen reveal! Can’t wait to see the finished product!

    • My Crappy House

      Everything at my house takes soooo much time too! If only we could afford to hire a crew to come in and do it all at once! Oh… well, I don’t want to assume you can’t. That’s my reason. Maybe you just love doing the DIY? hahaha

  • Louise

    Love that the backsplash totally coordinate with your green glamorous sofa which will be totally visible from the kitchen. Which will be faaaaaaaabulous!! Can’t wait to see!

    • My Crappy House

      That’s what I’m thinking. Having the whole space open means I need to think about how everything will relate to each other. I’m hoping that back splash will be a bit of “wow factor” when people walk in.

  • Jenny

    I’m so glad I love those stools, ’cause I don’t own a kite and hey I ain’t going shopping again to buy one. And ps don’t worry about the grey kitchen. Those white on white people branching out, always panic and go back to white on white. They just have no staying power. Really!

    • My Crappy House

      Haha that’s true. All the scaredy cats who are afraid of color will stick with their white kitchens. Boooo-riiiing!

  • Katherine

    Wowza! Just beautiful. I would fly a kite with your Mom but I don’t have to because I like the stools. We’re still living with the same crappy non kitchen since we bought our house 6 years ago, so it’s exciting to see your progress and can’t wait until the big reveal!

  • Helen Wharton

    I get so excited when your new posts appear in my email. You are so funny. Love your kitchen ideas and can’t wait to see the final result. Like you, I have a crappy house, which my husband and I have been renovating for the last 10 years. We’re just about to get a kitchen, but I can’t make my mind up what I want. Really want an industrial look, with grey units, but too scared to just go for it. There’s no way I’m backing down and going for safe white, so hoping your kitchen will kick my butt into making a decision and galvanise me into action. Inspire me with your awesomeness!!

    • My Crappy House

      I’m so excited for you! I actually got my cabinets online. I’ll be telling you all about that in my next kitchen post. I’m so happy with the quality and the price was amazing. Stay tuned!

  • C

    You’ve made beautiful choices. The cabinet colour is boss–that’s a ’70s term; means wonderful ;^)–the countertop material pairs w/it nicely. I love the seating choice, but my rump is crying, just looking @it!! I’ve seen that wall tile on my own forays for interesting, elegant and affordable materials for MY kitchen. Never saw it in jet black. Should be stupendous w/all the natural light flooding in, plus the lighter counters. My favorite, though, is the kitty. I’ll take 2 of him ;^).

    Keep on keeping on. I’m waiting eagerly to see you cross the finish line. You’ve set yourself quite a time line,squeezed between 2 major holidays, and leaving plenty of time to bitch-and-moan over the results of our national election.


    • My Crappy House

      I swear the stools aren’t that uncomfortable! (Unless you really have no butt, in which case you would want to park yourself on my sofa…) Thanks for the compliments on my choices! I’m wondering how your monitor color is though – the tiles are sort of a greenish, goldish, brown. Do you see jet black??

      Ugh. This election. I can’t even. Tuesday can’t come fast enough!

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