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Where Am I?
I’ve made it super easy for you to keep up with my blog this year. It’s now June and I’ve only written two posts. Two. (Well, three, if you count this one…) See, I know you’re busy, so I didn’t want to burden you with tons of fascinating post reading. I’m always thinking of you. You’re welcome.
And that’s a random picture of Egor for you to enjoy. You’re welcome. Again…
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How to Trim Out a Window
Diagnosis: Window Trim Psychosis
Before I can paint my dining room, I’ve got to trim out a window:
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One, Two, Three, Floor
I have one… two… three floors (AH AH AH!) to install in my crappy house.
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One Thing Leads to Another
I know. You’ve been wondering when I’m going to get around to doing another big project at my crappy house. It’s all you can think about. (Besides thinking about your own life and stuff.) The problem with the big projects (besides funding…) is that they’re related to other big projects. There’s a chain of events that has to happen before I can get to the really big ones. This post is about that chain. (All about that chain. ‘Bout that chain. No project.)
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What a Crock!
My crappy house has no kitchen. OK, yeah. It had a kitchen when I bought it. This charming arrangement of smelly appliances and crusty cabinets:
Alive with bacteria, I killed it with my crowbar and buried it in a dumpster. Now, it sleeps with the fishes. Or rats, probably. Whatever.
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May the Floors Be With You
Wow. That title is awful and doesn’t even make any sense. (Sorry, George Lucas.) This post is about my subfloor. Sounds boring right? But I hope you’ll stick with me and read it to the end because I deserve serious props for what I’ve accomplished here all by myself and I need you to tell me how impressed you are. Even if you really don’t mean it. Fake compliments are OK. I won’t know the difference. And now here’s a cute picture of Egor (you can see the floor in the background, so it’s relevant) to keep you interested enough to keep reading…
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DIY Electrical Wiring
Sometimes I Like to Pretend I’m an Electrician
You know the feeling when you shuffle your feet on the carpet and then (accidentally!) touch the cat? (Sorry, Egor…) Touching a live wire is not like that. It’s more of a pulse than a shock. If you were thinking you might like to try it, my advice would be… do not. (I may have just saved your life. You’re welcome.)
So, why was I playing with electricity? Well, my crappy house had crappy wiring, of course. Aluminum…
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Removing Load Bearing Walls
Wallectomy: The Surgical Removal of Load Bearing Walls
I moved into my crappy house in July of 2011. By January of 2012 I had made little progress on the east wing due to the fact that removing load bearing walls is neither easy nor free. Who knew? (Only just everyone.) Performing a wallectomy isn’t like removing any old wall. You do it wrong and your house basically falls down. It dies. No one wants a dead house, so I had to leave it to the professionals. Luckily, my cousin (Tommy) is one of those, and he likes me, so he eventually made some time to help me out. On the last day of January, I got the call. His exact words? “I’m coming tomorrow. Get the f*ck out.” So Egor and I did.
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Literally Hundreds of Scary Wasps Hiding in My Wall!
OK, maybe I exaggerated a little bit to get your attention. First of all, this picture is not a wasp, it’s a scary hornet. And second of all, the wasps were in the walls. At some point. A while ago. Then they packed up their crap and moved out. This house was too crappy, even for them.
And maybe it wasn’t hundreds. Probably not.
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Before and After Floor Plans
What’s the Plan?
I have so much I want to share with you, but let’s start at the very beginning. (A very good place to start.) When I first saw My Crappy House, I could tell it had so much potential. Like a diamond in the rough. (OK, maybe not a diamond. Maybe like… a high quality cubic zirconia. In the rough.) It just needed a makeover. Keep reading to see the before and after floor plans of My Crappy House remodel.
I closed on My Crappy House in mid May and planned to move in mid July, leaving me ample time to renovate. Yes, I seriously thought that the major structural changes I’m about to share with you could be accomplished in two months.
By me.
Just… me.
Because, you know, how hard could it be? Watch a few YouTube videos… Buy some tools… Knock down a couple of walls… Easy peasy.
This was the first of many delusions.
